Blog

Almost Every Leadership Team

Is Dysfunctional


Books have been written on it - seminars created for it - yet dysfunctional teams are endemic. Why?

Are we trying to treat the symptom rather than the cause? Functional teams are more about individual capacity rather than skill. Skills equip you to deal with situations. They don't ensure that you will use them when called upon to do so. If you are not in the mood or caught off guard the skill generally flies through the window. The underlying issue in most human frailties is selfishness, which more than 99% of the population is afflicted with. Selfish people lack the capacity to give. Instead they trade.

Trading Vs. Giving

Most of us think we are giving when in fact we are trading. Traders will do wonderful acts of service providing there is a personal reward - even if that reward means simply feeling good about themselves. The problem with trades is that when the trade is complete, there is little motivation to do more. Givers will give regardless of reward. These folks are few and far between. Having a team of givers eliminates all of the team idiosyncrasies that seem to plague corporations. Create a team of givers in your organization and that will be the end of dysfunctional teams. Learning about the problem and discussing the problem will yield scant results simply because individuals will lack the capacity to act on what they know.

How To Fix It

Building human capacity not only requires skills and tools. It requires a complete shift in understanding.

Reaching this new level of understanding is achieved through skillful questioning as most of us are sub-consciously dishonest about our motives. Telling an individual what his/her motive is would be futile as they would reject it out of hand. When individuals have nowhere else to go but the truth, then a unique realization takes place, which is life changing. Add to this the skills and tools to build the necessary capacity to be givers.

A team of givers will do wonders for your bottom line. It will also transform your workplace into a stimulating and innovative environment. It will make you an employer of choice and therefore able to recruit top quality staff.

If you are prepared to put in the effort and exercise the courage needed to work through change you will be more than adequately compensated. This process is only for those who are serious about their business and their lives. It will be the most rewarding journey you have yet embarked on.


You Don't Know What You Don't Know


No alt text provided for this image


Being in the know is highly prized in society. We hire people for what they know. We pay people according to what they know. We admire people that know. Therefore it is little wonder that being in the know is important.

This in itself though can be limiting.

Each person develops a set of rules, standards, principles and values that work for them. Some of these are sound and based on age old truths. Others are perceived truths and though they might not be as dependable, they work enough times to be adopted. Some have never been tried and are held onto anyway in the absence of a suitable alternative. Many acquire knowledge from like-minded trustworthy sources and adopt this knowledge as gospel even though they have never tested it against anything else.

Then there is the unknown. Never been there before. Never heard of it. These reasons alone are sufficient to cast doubt as to their efficacy.

Simple words and phrases elicit all sorts of reactions: religion, homosexuality, sex before marriage, money, righteousness, Trump and so on. Can everyone with a perception be right? Yet I would hazard a guess that each person has their own assertive view of what these words actually mean.

To be able to learn what you don't know requires being teachable. It means becoming vulnerable, which can be terrifying, especially if you are perceived as one in the know. To some, simply saying I don't know produces sufficient anxiety to abandon any attempt to admit ignorance.

I was taught a valuable lesson recently. As fate would have it, I was given the responsibility in my church to oversee the Addiction and Recovery program. I was quite excited to have an excuse to attend the program as I have always had an interest in human development and thought that this would add to my quiver. I didn't think I needed it and believed that I was there to support those who did. How wrong I was.

In a very short time I realized that I was afflicted by the cause of all addictions and I wasn't even aware of it. I had given up smoking, alcohol, drugs and even sugar on my own. I don't have a pornography issue, and I'm very aware of what I watch, read and listen to.

Yet, here I was listening to people pouring their hearts out about their addictions with such personal honesty that it made me feel like a worm because I was unable to do the same. After 40 years involvement in the personal development business, I couldn't be honest like these people. What people thought of me was so important that if I had what I perceived to be a weakness, I would cover it up by presenting a facade. Trying to be someone I wasn't. Here were people with so called serious issues in their lives, yet they were humble and honest and they touched my soul. I wished I could be more like them. They gave me permission to lay my belly bare and it felt wonderful. It was liberating.

After all this time in personal development, the one thing I had never learnt was how to overcome PRIDE, the mother of all addictions. It was the cause of every discomfort and unhappiness in my life and here at the age of 65 I was fortunate enough to discover it. The consequences have been life changing.

Since then I view everything differently. Instead of guarding my beliefs, I am able to feel safe enough to open up to different view points than my own. I truly feel that I have only just begun my life's journey.

I will be eternally grateful for that intervention in my life. I hope I remain awake and genuinely open to new learning that can enhance my life and the lives of family and those fellow travelers I am fortunate enough to meet on my journey.


Human Capacity Building



I am often asked what I do. When I say Personal Capacity Building I am met with puzzled faces and the inevitable "What's that?"

My simple answer is: If you had an empty shot glass and a jug filled with water and you tried to give the shot glass all that the full jug had to offer, what would happen? Naturally the shot glass would fill quickly and the remainder of the content would be wasted.

Humans are no different. They come in different capacity sizes and if you don't increase their capacity, a great deal of your investment in them will overflow and be wasted.

Have you ever wondered why when you send say 10 people on a training program that some seem to get it, others sort of get it and you are left wondering if the remainder attended at all?

Skill is just a small part of capacity building. Most people issues in corporations don't stem from lack of skill. They often stem from selfishness. Self serving people don't make the best employees and almost every corporation is populated by a majority of such people. They do not deliberately choose to be that way. They simply lack the capacity to be outwardly focused. More than 99% of the population is afflicted with selfishness which is a direct result of lack of human capacity.

A simple acid test will determine whether you or your people suffer from lack of capacity. Do you ever struggle with any of the following?

  • Defensiveness
  • Hurt
  • Criticism
  • Judgement
  • Anger
  • Jealousy
  • Pride
  • Negativity
  • Selfishness

These are a few of the idiosyncrasies that indicate there might be a need to increase human capacity.

The benefits are numerous. Improved personal relationships, better marriage relationships, More effective leadership ability, overall personal acceptance and respect. Increased trust.


Only 2 Reasons For Lack Of Sales


No alt text provided for this image


There are only 2 reasons for lack of sales.

  1. Lack of skill
  2. Lack of activity

Of the two lack of skill is the easier to solve. The primary skills required by salespeople are:

  1. Prospecting
  2. Telephone technique
  3. Qualifying
  4. Presenting
  5. Closing
  6. Handling stalls and objections

Secondary skills may include:

  1. Planning
  2. Time management
  3. Territory management

All of the above can be taught, practiced and internalized. The challenge lies in getting salespeople to see more prospects face to face each day.

The cause of reluctance to do so is the same thing that causes salespeople to avoid asking for referrals.

Why are salespeople so reluctant to do activity?

Essentially there are two reasons for this too.

  1. Fear of rejection
  2. Fear of finding out that they are not as good at selling than initially perceived

Salespeople take pride in a high closing ratio. They will protect this ratio even if it means making less sales. They become picky as to who they see. If they see little chance in converting certain prospects they will avoid calling on them. Pre-judgement causes call reluctance. Cold calling is a no-no, so cold calls, even in the face of no other prospective business is avoided. Instead the salesperson heads back to the office to occupy their time with paper work, which they argue needs to be done.

I have challenged many salespeople after discovering very low daily call rates for new business. The statistics are alarming. In my experience the average salesperson sees less than six new prospective clients a week. That is less than one a day.

What is the challenge?

I ask the following. If I gave you 4 Class A prospects a day, i.e. 4 prospects that would buy simply because I suggested it - how many of the 4 would you see a day. (This is after establishing that they see less than one a day and after they have fully justified why it is impossible to see more based on all the other activities they are required to do.) In addition to this I ask them to take all these other factors like paperwork, service calls. organizing their day and so on into account.

What do you think they say?

I would see all 4. I ask: "Even with all the other distractions - how would you manage that?" Without hesitation they reply: "I would find another time to do that stuff if I were guaranteed 4 sales a day."

What this illustrates is that salespeople lack the belief that if they did the activity, sales would follow. Therefore the conclusion has to be - if you want to increase activity within your sales force you need to develop the belief of your salespeople - right?

Herein lies the biggest challenge. Nothing builds belief like results. Nothing kills belief more than poor results. In order to secure results requires skill and activity. So which of the skills will move the needle prodigiously?

In my opinion, it would have to be referral prospecting followed by competency in qualifying the prospect. Why referral prospecting? Because effective referral prospecting when done correctly produces Class A prospects who buy. That would be tantamount to promising your salespeople 4 people a day who buy.

The second skill that would move the needle would be qualifying. Too many salespeople show up and throw up. They are bent on making sure that the prospect understands every benefit and feature of their product without bothering to find out if the prospect has a need for the product. Salespeople who qualify prospects effectively become trusted consultants, making their jobs so much more effective and enjoyable.

Measurement is critical to establishing areas of weakness that can be improved on and secondly and more importantly, measurement is one of two things required to build a positive self-image. The second is righteous behavior, which simply means doing what is right. Without measurement, how can you know this?

Why is it important for your salespeople to build a more positive self-image?

The answer is simple. No one achieves more than their current self-image. Avoiding calls knocks self-image. The opposite is also true.

Therefore in conclusion, when properly understood, there is greater value for the salesperson in doing activity for the reason that more activity has all of these intrinsic benefits and it is a well known fact that the more people you see the more you will sell.


When You Look Behind Are They Following?



I have had an epiphany of late. To give context to what I wish to share, let me give you the background.

About 4 months ago I was given a portfolio in my church responsibility to oversee the “LDS Addiction and Recovery Program.” I was excited because for some time I had toyed with attending because of my interest in human development – now I would have to. I decided that instead of being an onlooker I would really like to do the program and this I did. It came with challenges though because I had no real addiction (or so I thought) I had given up alcohol, drugs, smoking, and sugar through sheer willpower and I don’t have a pornography problem. I felt a bit of a fraud sitting and listening to others baring their souls regarding these types of addictions. Then it struck me. Here were people with so called major issues in their lives and they were a lot more personally honest than I was. I would have cringed to bare my soul in this way. They were far more authentic and brave than I was. I then felt like a fraud for very different reasons. I realized that I was afflicted by the mother of all addictions – the cause of all addictions – being pride.

After more than forty years in the human development business, I was still deeply affected by this affliction and had no way of overcoming it regardless of countless methods I had gleaned over the years in self-improvement.

Pride is the cause of every human conflict, every human unhappiness and every human failure.

I thought about challenges businesses faced with different personalities and how that could limit what they do.

It took me back to something I read some time ago. “People don’t quit jobs – they quit managers.”

It got me thinking how insidious this problem is. Most organizations want quality people, but if pride permeates managements attitude, it is a nigh impossible endeavor. Even if the company was lucky enough to hook such a fish it wouldn’t take long for them to leave.

Pride also affects relationships in the home, on the sports field and in social interactions. It affects mood. It pervades every thought and action. It is debilitating, limiting and keeps the human spirit in bondage.

I would like to share an excerpt from a talk with you, something I find invaluable on many levels and hope that you will extract some gems from it too.

“Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance.

Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.

The central feature of pride is enmity— Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.”

Pride is essentially competitive in nature and allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled.

Another major portion of this very prevalent sin of pride is enmity toward our fellowmen. We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them."

The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” "Ezra Taft Benson"

To be able to acknowledge this has turned my life around. I genuinely do not fear what others think anymore. I have developed a compassion for people that never featured in my life before and I am far less judgmental. I am more at peace than I have ever been before. I thought that this program was for people with classic addictions. I now realize that anyone can profit hugely from it. The changes I see in the lives of those attending is remarkable.

My wife read what I’d written and asked a profound question: “I would love to hear how you propose to eliminate pride in organisations without removing the important element of "drive" in individuals?”

Certainly drive and competition go hand in hand. I thought about this for some time. I fell asleep before reaching a conclusion. The next day I couldn’t help thinking about what she had asked. The only explanation I could come up with was in the form of a question. What is the reason why individuals like to compete? Surely to win. Why do they want to win? I would imagine to be better than, be more acceptable than and be more desirable than others. Herein lies one of life’s greatest paradoxes. It is true that winners gain recognition. The question is the depth thereof. Being recognized for what you have done or for what you have is less fulfilling than being recognized for who you are.

It struck me then what the real difference between prideful and humble leaders was. Prideful leaders were those who wished to achieve for self-gain and humble leaders were those who preferred to help others achieve. Pride and leadership are contrary to each other.

A leader’s core responsibility should be to make others great. To elevate others to levels they did not feel capable of within themselves. Who wouldn’t be enthused and inspired by such a leader?

Wouldn’t such a leader be fulfilled by this too? Wouldn’t this elicit respect for the right reasons?

The strength of our society is dependent on the strength of our homes. The strength of our homes is determined by the strength of the leaders in our homes. Those same strong leaders are required in business too.


With So Much Knowledge

Why Is Happiness So Elusive?



Ezra Taft Benson, former Minister of Agriculture in the USA and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints put it quite succinctly. Before sharing the quote let me say that I realize the sensitive nature of what I am about to share and make no apologies. I also understand that not all people share the values I am about to share. They are simple, easy to understand and the same pride that might cause us to be offended by what follows is the very cause of human unhappiness. I know that this is a bold statement. I make it in the interest of touching even one soul in the hope that their life changes for the good. If this diminishes my popularity and my business prospects, so be it. I do not wish to beat you into submission with my personal beliefs, morals and values. Like you I am a fellow traveler with imperfections too great to contemplate and in need of everything I espouse. Aren't we all beggars? I hope that what I have to share will cause a little introspection and facilitate a new course to increased happiness in your life. There are some things that just need to be said.

 Ezra Taft Benson:

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature. . . .

I have been in the business of trying to help people change their lives for four decades. In this time I have attempted to change my own life with varying degrees of success. It wasn't till recently that I realized how pride had consumed me the entire 65 years of my human existence. I had been taught through various self-improvement books and courses that I can control my thinking and my actions and therefore my results. While this is true and in many cases changed my life positively, it brought an equal downside into my life. This may seem unconscionable yet it's true. It had me believing that my will was sufficient to fix anything in my life. Although this notion may be comforting, it is false. Anyone afflicted with a terminal disease will instantly be brought to the realization of their inadequacy to rectify their situation.

Are we not all afflicted with a disease as crippling as cancer or diabetes? Do we not at some stage of each day suffer from any of the following symptoms of pride and selfishness? Defensiveness, criticism, judgement, fear, arrogance, anger, jealousy, hurt and so on? How long has this condition existed? Do any of the above make us happy? If they don't, why haven't these idiosyncrasies been purged from our beings? The simple answer: In and of ourselves we are not capable.

Regarding this subject there are two likely positions to adopt. Either my will or Thy will. Happiness stems from righteous behavior and and righteous behavior is dependent on TRUTH. Who's truth, you may well ask? In order to answer that we need to understand the difference between truth and the perception of truth. Each person is entitled to their own perception of truth. Even God allows this. You cannot argue a man's perception of truth because his truth is his reality. If his perception is not aligned with absolute truth then that is all it remains - a perception. Ignorance of the law is no excuse. The same applies to the rules of life. Ignorance of the rule does not exonerate you from its consequences. When we work against truth we feel the negative consequences of doing so. When we work with truth we experience the attendant joy.

I fear that truth has been mistaken as religion and so many truth seekers who have been disillusioned by religion have thrown the baby out with the bath water. This does not mean that religion is devoid of truth. It simply means that many precious truths that make sense of life may have been lost in translation by scholars and ministers who based their interpretation on their own experience. Hence we are left with a mixture of truth and man made perception thereof. Often it is convenient to believe in this mixed doctrine as it allows us sufficient reason to satisfy our conscience while giving us the freedom to do things that are convenient rather than proper.

The truth is the truth is the truth. It is the same for everyone. It would be a cruel god who had different rules for his children. That would be tantamount to having a soccer team playing a football team each with their own rules. Can you imagine the chaos. Then take that scenario further afield to the game of life - so many with different rules and then we begin to understand the chaos in the world today. With all of our technological, scientific, medical and educational advancement, do we have a better society than our predecessors? Morally and socially we have retrogressed all in the name of advancement and improvement.

Know the truth and the truth shall set you free comes to mind. Such a simply yet profound statement. Maybe too simple for an advanced society.

It's time to go back to the drawing board. It's time to humble ourselves before our creator. It's time to beg for help to change our very natures that we might find peace joy and happiness. Isn't this what we all want? Is it not time to start listening to others with different views to our own in order to expand our capability to judge? We do not have to adopt what they say - only listen and learn.

In conclusion, ask yourself a simple question. Rather than ask: "Am I happy?" ask "Am I joyful?" If the answer is yes then you are among the fortunate few. If the answer is no - the solution is in your hands. Joy is lasting. Joy is deep. Joy is not dependent on our circumstances. It requires only that we do what's right.


Making Sense Of It - The Real Why?


commonsensemedia.com


A poster on LinkedIn read as follows:

Accompanying this poster was the statement that it’s important to know your WHY.

The WHY has become quite a buzz word of late. May I be bold enough to assert that all of the above are needs? They relate to WHAT rather than WHY? The question that begs an answer is why would you want any of the above? Wants have the power to change people from the inside out. This kind of change is lasting. Needs tend to change people from the outside in and are fleeting. They're only good while a greater need is absent.

The truth is that growing for example is a need. It involves sacrifice, discipline, pain, risk and discomfort. All of these are needs. There has to be a strong intrinsic reason to overcome these discomforts. That strong intrinsic want is the real WHY. Needs cause us to react from fear. Wants are fueled by passion.

Power is a need as is the fact that they can never take it away from you. Knowing more, being enhanced and growing are WHAT we want to do not WHY we want to do it.

You have probably found in your own life that if you want something badly enough you tend to make it happen. There are other activities that you tell yourself you want that never seem to materialize. WHY? Simply because you don’t really want it. You need it. What are some of the common needs that people intermittently do or never do? Gym, reading, studying, research and so on. What are some of the things we do without persuasion? Watching TV, Internet browsing, socializing and so on.

Every individual is fueled by a deep intrinsic desire to do more and to be more. Most are consciously unaware of why this is so.

Interestingly, the same driver that fuels our passion (wanting it) also fuels our fears (fear of losing it) and by default becomes the cause of our success or our failure. This relates to our financial, emotional, spiritual, physical, and family life endeavors. A desire to appear grander than we are could also inhibit our honesty as to what this driver is.

Personal honesty is the liberating condition that brings a new-found peace and joy into your life. Being brutally honest as to why you do what you do and why you avoid other choices is fundamental to growth and success in all areas of your life.

Motivation is often interspersed with inspiration. Not all motivation is positive. Being motivated by fear or duty produces limited results. It has little impact on lasting results. Fear and duty are needs based and therefore they will only work when the big stick is wielded or ridicule and embarrassment are inevitable.

The mind makes decisions for two reasons only. To avoid a loss or to gain a benefit. Most of us make decisions to avoid a loss simply because we are unaware of what we want passionately and deep down.

To test this theory mark the appropriate box in the table below to establish, which are needs and which, are wants.

Calculate how many needs and how many wants are on the list of 15 items.

What is the result you arrived at? How many were wants and how many were needs?

Would it surprise you to know that not one item on the above list is a want?

To better understand this concept it is important to differentiate between physical and emotional needs and physical and emotional wants. When all is said and done the only true want is an emotional want. This is the want that has the power to transform you for good or for bad. It is the dominant WHY.

Ignoring your emotional want does not eliminate it. It simply makes you unaware of a powerful driver for change in your life. It’s present whether we accept it or not or whether we are aware of it or not.

Why would buying a fancy car be a need? You might suggest that an ordinary car, one which gets you from A to B might be a need and a fancy car a want. The item itself does not determine whether it is a need or a want. Your motive for having it does.

Therefore if you bought a fancy car with the purpose of writing it off to the IRS then the fancy car would be a need. Likewise if you bought a yacht to escape the rat race on weekends then that too would be a need. If the purpose of escaping the rat race was to recharge your batteries it would still be a physical need. However if recharging your batteries made you more amenable and easier to get along with, then the physical need of escaping would convert to an emotional need of being a nicer person. If being a nicer person translated into getting along with your spouse and improving the love relationship between the two of you, then the motive for buying the yacht will transcend to an emotional want, which is the core driver behind buying the yacht.

Which of these motives do you find more appealing. Recharging batteries, escaping the rat race or improving your love relationship. If you already have a working love relationship, then being more socially acceptable or even being respected might be more appealing.

You will be forgiven for thinking that you would detest being loved, accepted or respected for what you have. You would be quite right in thinking so. What we crave as human beings is to be loved, accepted or respected for who we are. Therefore how you get there is a lot more important than what you get. Not knowing your core driver might steer you towards results because the world tells you that it respects winners and without results how do we know if we are winning or not. This paradigm suggests that having is paramount. External status is imperative in order to demonstrate success.

The initiated know differently. Their achievements are less tangible and often invisible to the outside world. For example the fat person that starts to diet and go to gym. For a few months all that hard work goes unnoticed. Very little recognition or praise if any is received during this hard time. There is scant encouragement from the outside.

To the initiated, this is not a concern because they are aware that the most important person that needs to know (themselves) does know. They also understand that achieving approbation for who they are requires a very different process than achieving material status. To earn love, acceptance or respect from others requires you earning the exact same from self. If you do not love, accept or respect yourself, it matters little if others do. This is because if you do not feel worthy you will not be able to accept others’ favorable comments about you. Often this produces an “I don’t care what people think” attitude. The minute I say that means I really care, but can’t afford to because I don’t feel worthy anyway.

I often have people tell me that their motive is to feel good or to feel better about themselves. That is a motive. However it is a need. The question is why anyone would want to feel better about themselves. If you are honest with yourself you will agree that getting to feel good about ourselves is a pain. It requires discipline, structure, sacrifice, commitment, pain and so on. Who in their right mind would want that? The truth is – we don’t. We want the benefits of being that person. We NEED to become that person. We WANT what that person is. We need to be secure so that we don’t react badly to the wrong stimuli. We don’t want to be secure. Becoming secure is an equal pain. We want what secure people have. We don’t necessarily want to do what they had to do to get there. We need to be comfortable in our own skins, like secure people are because this makes us more likable. It’s being likable that’s appealing, not becoming comfortable in our skins.

All said and done, feeling good about ourselves is simply about growing self-image. Improving self-image is and always will be a need. Few will significantly grow their self-images in a lifetime purely for this reason – the fact that it’s a need. A need can be a WHY but it has no legs. To be driven to achieve substantially we need to change the source of our motivation to a want and not a need. This is because needs have a tendency to cancel themselves out. For example: I need to make a sales call but I also need to avoid rejection. It is inevitable that unless I have a 100% hit rate that some calls will end in me being rejected. Therefore if I don’t make the call I can’t be rejected and because I’m feeling a little fragile today let’s put it off till tomorrow. This is why call reluctance is an epidemic among salespeople.

Conversely, supposing being loved, accepted or respected were my core driver, how would that change things? Firstly, I would realize that in order to be loved or accepted or respected, I would first need to love or accept or respect myself. The foundation of love is trust. Therefore the foundation of self-love is self-trust. Can I trust myself if I shirk my responsibilities? What are my responsibilities as a salesperson? Can I avoid any of these and trust myself. If you were your boss, how would you answer that question?

Therefore if I want love I need to love myself. Likewise if I want acceptance I need to accept myself and if I want respect I need to respect myself. Self-love, Self-acceptance and self-respect are all part of self-image. We NEED a better self-image as this is the precursor to what we really WANT – either love, or acceptance or respect.

Many reject the notion that they are driven by what to them seems to be a trivial driver. They would prefer a nobler driver such as self-actualization. They perceive their level of accomplishment to be denigrated by such a feeble motive. The greatest achievers in a field of endeavor could be loveless. This does not diminish their achievements. This is simply the driver that caused them to achieve. Their reason to pay the price. The desire to be a “Somebody.”

Sadly in time most achievers realize that what you have does not necessarily compensate for what you truly want. The vast majority of mankind will never satisfy one of these three drivers – love, acceptance or respect. They might be respected for what they have – their temporal achievements. The process of achieving materially is very different to the process of building character. Often the two are arch rivals. Popular thought would suggest that if you achieved material status that this would lead to greater recognition, which in turn would lead to respect, acceptance and love. In a way this is correct. However it leads to being recognized, respected, accepted and loved for what we have rather than for who we are. A hollow victory – a false sense of fulfillment. What is fulfilling and allows us to progress to nobler purposes is being loved, accepted and respected for who we ARE. When we understand this, we alter our thinking and our focus and we begin to do the things that bring us true fulfillment.

If you are still not convinced that love, acceptance and respect is what drives the majority of mankind then do the acid test.

To establish whether you have satisfied love ask yourself the following: Do I love my partner? Does my partner love me as much as I do him/her? Can I give as much love to my partner as I want to without fear of smothering him/her and can he/she give as much love as he/she wishes without me feeling smothered? Does my partner love me as much as I love him/her? If you are able to give and receive love freely and feel that there is parity in your relationship then you can safely say that love is satisfied.

If you suffer from any of the following: Jealousy, anger, pride, criticism, judgement, dishonesty, arrogance, being hurt, defensiveness, justification, selfishness and so on. In fact every human idiosyncrasy stems from a desire to be accepted. If you suffer from any of the above you can safely assume that you have not yet fulfilled acceptance.

Respect is largely misunderstood. What is the difference between acceptance and respect? When people accept you they listen to what you say. When people respect you they do what you say. How many people do you know that you would do anything they say? How many people do you know that would get you to do anything they say? I’m sure one hand would be sufficient. If not you are either afraid of admitting the truth to yourself or you are among a very small sector of the population and are extremely blessed.

It is important to understand the difference between an objective and a motive. The motive is the reason for pursuing the objective. It is inconsequential what the motive is as long as it is the true motive. Supposing I wanted love but preferred to motivated by respect – would that make a difference? Without question. It is imperative to be brutally honest as to your real WHY – your core driver or your “Hot Button.” Remember that where you are on the hierarchy of needs is not an indication of your level of success. It is rather an indication of the motive to be used to drive you to greater accomplishments.


40 Lessons Learnt In 40 Years

Of Human Development



1.     More than 99% of mankind is selfish and will remain so mainly because they refuse to acknowledge that they are.

2.     Selfishness is the cause of every human unhappiness.

3.     Selfishness can be cured.

4.     Of the 1/3 of marriages that don’t end in divorce, only a small percentage of these are fulfilling.

5.     Achievement does not cause lasting happiness.

6.     Fulfillment comes from achieving a balanced lifestyle.

7.     Life is paradoxical. What seems to work mostly doesn’t and vice-versa.

8.     Self-control and self-discipline are essential to building self-worth. Few choose this path.

9.     We are all a sum total of two things – time and choice. How we choose to spend our time determines who we are each day and at the end of our lives.

10.  There is a huge difference between honor and honesty. Few are honorable.

11.  Without a fulfilling intimate love relationship, life is pretty meaningless.

12.  A mother is as happy as her unhappiest child.

13.  David O. McKay summed it up succinctly. He said: “There is no success that can compensate for failure in the home.”

14.  Humility is a strength, not a weakness.

15.  Give people what they want and you will never go short.

16.  More than 99% of mankind is driven by one of only three core drivers.

17.  Probably the same percentage are consciously unaware of their core driver.

18.  Because of this few will ever fully satisfy their core desire.

19.  This will result in few satisfying their lives.

20.  "Being" trumps "having" hands down.

21.  Few are truly set on being. Most are set on having.

22.  The rocky road builds character. Most prefer the smooth highway though.

23.  Most people reading this are thinking about someone they know who really needs this rather than themselves.

24.  Every human idiosyncrasy stems from our core driver being unsatisfied.

25.  The people that need it most see it the least.

26.  When you change who you are you find out who your true friends are.

27.  Many are afraid to change for fear of finding this out.

28.  A pencil endures friction and pain in the sharpening process. Everyone wants the sharp pencil though. Humans have to endure friction and pain too to become desirable.

29.  Lessons of faith are learnt in retrospect.

30.  A baby chick kicks and pecks till it breaks open the shell. If you tried to help by breaking the shell for it you would cause the chick to be born lame. So too with humans. We need to allow people to fail in order to strengthen them – including our children.

31.  In order to have we must do and in order to do we must become.

32.  Know-How is knowledge applied. Wisdom is righteous knowledge applied.

33.  Man can change because he isn’t a Leopard.

34.  We are what we think. Change what we think and we change who we are.

35.  You cannot argue a man’s perception of truth because this is his reality. There can however only be one absolute truth, regardless of man’s perception.

36.  Know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

37.  For every finger you point at someone else there are three pointing back at you.

38.  Blaming others or self is futile. Accept personal responsibility rather and see what you can do to fix the situation.

39.  The best way to fix you is to serve others.

40.  You will achieve no more or less than your current self-image.


What Is Call Reluctance and Why Do

So Many Salespeople Suffer From It?



There are only 2 reasons why we make any decision. To gain a benefit or to avoid a loss.

Often benefits seem worthwhile until the cost of energy and time to attain the benefit is manifest. Then other distractions seem to be more attractive and tend to divert our attention.

There are certain activities that we seldom miss. Like watching our preferred sports team play or visiting with close friends. Some activities are avoided like the plague. These activities generally require discipline and sacrifice and it is easy to justify their replacement when something seemingly more enjoyable appears. This is because the effort is not commensurate with the reward.

Generally the activities that profit us most require more effort than the perceived reward. This is also because the true reward is often concealed. This is why discipline is challenging and difficult to maintain. It is hard to see the upside.

Take the salesperson who suffers from call reluctance - the fear to call prospects on the phone or call on them in person. The reason that this fear is so real is because humans resent rejection. Therefore if my primary reason for making the call is to get an appointment and the purpose for the appointment is to secure the sale, which in turn will produce the money I need to live on then why don't I just do it? The reason? Money means less to me than the opinion of others. Simply put, money is a need and unless the threat of foreclosure or a pending divorce or any other greater fear lurks - there will be insufficient pressure to move me. I will defer the activity to a more convenient time. If money was a core human driver then many more salespeople would be wealthy. We know that 80% of business is concluded by 20% of the sales-force - right?

This is the saddest part. In order to avoid rejection the salesperson avoids the call, thinking that this will do the trick. In a way this is true. The salesperson will avoid the rejection of the prospect. What the salesperson won't avoid is self-rejection, which is the worst type of rejection. Why? Because when we reject ourselves, it really doesn't matter how good others perceive us to be. We know who we are and so we can't accept their gifts of love, acceptance and respect because we feel unworthy.

Trust is the foundation of love and self-trust is the foundation of self-love, which is the foundation of self-image. Everything we have and everything we are is attributable to our self-images. When we shirk any action that we know we should be taking, even if we do this unconsciously, we instantly lose self-trust, self-love, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-worth which comprise the self-image.

Ironically the more difficult and challenging the activity, the greater it's power to enhance our self-image.Therefore doing the things we usually avoid is the ticket to a better self-image and that means more love, acceptance and respect. If you had all the money in the world and no one loved, accepted or respected you - would you want that? Exactly!

Our mind has a built in protective mechanism to shield us from physical and emotional danger. This mechanism is constantly alert to danger and unless it knows otherwise it will close the shutters and prevent you from acting. The same way that a salesperson has to sell a prospect on taking action, so you have to sell your mind in like manner.

Essentially you are dealing with two issues. Firstly, knowing the most powerful intrinsic reason for action and secondly, the lack of belief that if you did act, would the reward be forthcoming?

Therefore in order to sell our minds, we need to first know what our core driver or motivator is. Secondly we need to plan to develop the belief that we will succeed if we follow the plan. It is that simple.

This principle applies to everyone, not only salespeople. We all have things we know we should be doing and for whatever reason we avoid them. This is more damaging to you than you can imagine. Only when you try the alternative do you begin to understand the value of it.